How to get comfortable with silence (and why it matters)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Does sitting in silence feel excruciating to you? Learn how to be comfortable in it, its surprising benefits, and 7 tips that can help you embrace stillness.
Sitting in silence can sometimes feel agonizing, especially because most people just aren’t used to it. After all, we live in a culture that’s loud, fast, and endlessly busy. We’re constantly getting notifications and filling up every minute of our day with noise. We listen to music as we get ready for work, listen to a podcast as we commute, and then hear nonstop chatter at the office.
Because noise is all around us, silence can make you feel like something’s wrong. You might get paranoid that you said the wrong thing, you’ve offended someone, or even that you’re just plain boring.
The truth is, silence gets a bad rap. In reality, it can be incredibly restorative and offer you a soft place to land when everything feels overwhelming.
Here’s how to get more comfortable with quiet and invite more stillness into your life.
Why does silence feel so uncomfortable?
Silence can feel like the loudest thing in the world.
It’s easy to assume that pauses mean something’s wrong, which is why you might associate silence with awkwardness, boredom, and even rejection. In addition, some people, especially those who experience anxiety, ADHD, or trauma, feel unsafe when things get too quiet. In these cases, silence can almost act like a spotlight that magnifies every thought and feeling.
If you feel a little (or a lot) of discomfort with silence, it’s important to understand why. When you do, you can start to invite more calm and quiet into your life.
The science of silence
Research shows that even short periods of silence can do wonders for your brain and body. One study found that two minutes of silence can be more relaxing for the body than listening to relaxing music.
Silence has also been linked to lower cortisol levels, reduced blood pressure, and even changes in the brain. Specifically, quiet can lead to increased activity in the hippocampus, which is the part of your brain that handles memory, learning, and emotional regulation. Basically, when you’re just sitting there doing nothing, your brain might be making new connections or even fixing itself.
Also, silence can help activate your default mode network (DMN), or your brain’s “resting state.” This is where creativity lives and self-reflection happens.
So, while silence may seem empty, it isn’t. It gives you a break and, more importantly, an opportunity to reset.
5 benefits of silence
When you’re silent, you’re often more present in the space around you. But of course, that’s not the only benefit it can bring.
Here are five perks of being in silence:
1. Lower stress levels: Silence can help deactivate your fight-or-flight response and activate your parasympathetic nervous system. Just being quiet for a few minutes can help to drop your cortisol levels and even make you feel a little more grounded.
2. Better focus and creativity: When your brain isn’t dodging distractions or filtering out background noise, you’re able to think more clearly. That mental spaciousness can then open up room for insights, problem-solving, and more creativity.
3. Improved emotional regulation: Being in silence can give you the beat you need to check in with yourself before reacting. It can help you notice what you’re feeling before you overshare or snap. (If you tend to be reactionary, here are five tips to help you slow down.)
4. Deeper self-awareness: The quiet can also reveal what’s really going on under the surface. This might sometimes be uncomfortable, but it can also help you grow and get to know yourself better.
5. More meaningful connections: When you’re comfortable with silence, you can also become a better communicator. That’s because you’re giving people space to be themselves, and that can help build trust and connection.
How to overcome the fear of sitting in silence: 7 tips to help you get comfortable with the quiet
Getting relaxed with silence doesn’t mean that you need to start being okay with meditating in the woods for hours. It just means that when there isn’t noise, you won’t start to panic.
If you want to let go of your fear of silence, here are seven tips that can help.
1. Start very small
To help you get used to a little silence, try starting with just two minutes. You can set a timer, put your phone on airplane mode, and then sit somewhere comfy and just be.
You don’t need to stop your thoughts or do anything special. All you have to do is show up, and even if your thoughts are racing the entire time, that still counts. You’re building tolerance, and that’s important.
2. Treat silence like a snack, not a full meal
Look for tiny moments to pause. This can help retrain your brain to stop associating silence with discomfort and slowly teach your nervous system that you’re safe in quiet.
You might try to:
Leave your earbuds out while walking to the store
Let the shower be your quiet time
Turn off the TV and hit pause on the music while you fold laundry
3. Normalize conversational pauses
Next time you feel a lull in a conversation, try to resist the urge to fill it. Instead, just sit in it, breathe, and let it be. Sometimes, a pause can give the other person time to gather their thoughts and say something important.
💙 Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others series can help you learn how to build stronger connections.
4. Make your environment less noisy
Consider carving out a “quiet hour” each day where there’s no music, TV, or podcasts. This might mean:
Drinking your morning beverage in silence
Quietly driving around your town with nothing but your thoughts
Cooking dinner while listening to only the noise of your cookware
If that feels like too much, consider doing just five minutes. Your goal should be to learn that not every second needs to be filled.
5. Anchor yourself in the here and now
When silence makes you feel uncomfortable, try to come back to your body. One way to do this is to use sensory grounding by:
Naming five things you can hear
Wiggling your fingers and feeling your feet on the floor
Take five deep breaths and feel your ribs move
6. Schedule “blank space” in your day
Block off 10 minutes between meetings and call it something unignorable like “Sacred Silence.” During this time, put your phone away and just focus on breathing. These 10 minutes can create a buffer that helps to protect your energy and sanity.
💙 Tamara Levitt’s Silence meditation can give you more tools to feel comfortable with quiet.
7. Try shared silence with someone you trust
Being quiet with someone who doesn’t expect you to perform can be incredibly soothing. It can also teach you that silence can lead to deep comfort and emotional safety.
Here are some shared silence moments you could consider:
Reading side by side with your partner without talking
Taking a walk with a friend without conversation
Driving with a loved one without the radio on
Comfortable with silence FAQs
Why do I feel awkward when it’s silent?
Silence can poke at our insecurities. For example, if there’s a long pause in a conversation, you might worry that things aren’t going well or that you’ve lost the other person’s attention.
Culturally, people tend to associate silence with tension or rejection, especially because noise is typically treated like a connection. Also, on a deeper level, silence often forces people to feel, and if you've been avoiding certain emotions, that quiet can feel especially uncomfortable.
How can I stop the urge to fill silence in conversations?
If you have the urge to fill the silence, try to practice tolerating pauses and breathing through them. Aim to let someone pause before responding, and if there’s a lull, just notice it and try to stay curious instead of panicking.
You don’t always need to fill the silence. That moment of quiet might just be a sign that someone’s thinking or simply comfortable enough to take a breath.
What does it mean when you’re comfortable in silence with someone?
Usually, it means you’ve found someone whose presence doesn’t require you to “be on.” Being comfortable in silence together can be a quiet kind of intimacy that shows that the two of you are good, even when you’re not talking.
Trusting that the connection you share with someone doesn’t always need words is special. It can show just how deep of a bond the two of you have.
Do people with ADHD struggle more with silence?
People who experience ADHD may struggle more with silence because it worsens their racing thoughts and restlessness. It can also feel jarring and irritating. (However, for other people, the absence of external stimulation can help reduce overwhelm.)
If it’s hard for you to be in silence, try approaching it gently. You could start off with soft ambient sound and then gradually ease into moments of full quiet when it feels safe. Also, try to remind yourself that there’s no “right” way to do it. Just whatever works best for you.
Why do I feel better in silence?
You might feel better in silence because your nervous system can finally relax. Silence can give your brain a break from processing stimuli and your emotions a chance to settle.
You can also carve out more space to think, to feel, and to breathe in ways that the noise just doesn’t allow. Many people don’t even realize how much noise they’re absorbing until it stops.
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