How to communicate better with all the people in your life
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Want to improve conversations with your partner, friends, or coworkers? Try these 11 stress-free tips to communicate better and strengthen your connections.
Communication is a part of our daily lives, but we’re not always taught how to do it well. Maybe you learned some skills through school, with your friends, or even through the books and movies that you loved, but that doesn’t always equate to knowing exactly how to communicate effectively with others, especially during conflict.
If you grew up in a home where communication wasn’t a top priority or conflicts were brushed over as if they never happened, you might find yourself baffled by how to communicate as an adult. Or maybe you’re just eager to do better.
Regardless, if you want to improve your communication, there are ways to make small and sustainable shifts that can bring more connection into your everyday interactions.
Let’s get into it and talk about how to talk better, with clarity and kindness, so you can be a little more understood and a little more understanding.
What is good communication?
Basically, good communication creates a space where everyone feels safe enough to be real and honest. It’s usually less about having the perfect words and more about the energy and intention you bring to the conversation.
Are you listening to just respond, or are you listening to understand? Good communication invites you to slow down, listen, and approach conversations as a collaborative experience and not a competitive sport. It’s about showing up with curiosity and not a ready-made comeback.
Here are some examples of what good communication can look like:
You say what you mean (not what you think sounds polite or what avoids conflict).
You listen in a way that makes the other person feel heard.
You ask questions instead of just jumping to conclusions.
You readily admit when you’re wrong or unclear.
You stay in the conversation, even when it’s hard and uncomfortable.
It’s important to know that miscommunication can still happen. You’re human, and humans make mistakes. Even with your best intentions, you might get stuck sometimes, and that’s okay. If you mess up, try not to beat yourself up and instead come back, clarify, and keep choosing connection over perfection.
How to communicate better in your relationships: 11 tips for improving communication skills
If you’re under the impression that you need to be the most articulate person in the room in order to be “good at communication,” rest easy knowing that that’s not actually true. Being a good communicator is really more about how well you connect with others.
If you want to level up your communication skills, here are 11 low-lift tips you can add into your everyday that can help you communicate with a little more compassion and confidence.
1. Ask more than you assume
Your brain likes to fill in the blanks, so it might assume people are mad or judging you based on a look or tone of voice. But assumptions aren’t facts. To help avoid miscommunication, try to give people the chance to be known instead of guessed at.
When you get in your head and start making assumptions, try asking gentle questions like:
“Hey, can I check something with you?”
“I might be misreading this, but how are you feeling?”
“Is there more you want to share with me?”
💙 Listen to Check Your Assumptions with Jay Shetty if you tend to fill in the gaps before getting all of the facts.
2. Listen like it matters
Real listening means staying with what the other person is actually saying and not just waiting for your turn to talk. If you tend to just wait to give your rebuttal, try this instead:
Repeat back what you heard. “So you’re saying that you felt ignored in the car?”
Validate before fixing. “I hear you. That sounds very frustrating.”
If it feels personal, ask for clarification. “I’m feeling like maybe I did something wrong here. Can you clarify for me?”
Listening skills need a boost? Here are eight active listening techniques you can try.
3. Say what you actually mean, not what sounds “nicer”
Say the thing you actually want to say, but do it kindly and directly. You can be honest without being harsh.
Clarity is kindness, and when you try to soften the truth too much, it can possibly turn into fog. Here’s a way you can let someone know how you’re feeling in a clear way so they can respond better:
Say: “I felt left out when I wasn’t invited to the dinner.”
Not: “It’s fine. I was just surprised. Not in a bad way. Just… you know.”
4. Check your body language
A huge percentage of communication has to do with how you say it, not what you say. If you have arms crossed, are rolling your eyes, and are sighing dramatically, this can send a message that you’re not really listening or caring.
To send a powerful nonverbal message that says, “I’m here with you,” consider:
Uncrossing your arms
Relaxing your posture
Making eye contact
Nodding when someone’s sharing something difficult
Taking their hand if it’s appropriate for your relationship
5. Know when to pause and take a break
If you feel emotionally overwhelmed, try to press pause and say something like:
“I do care about your feelings, but I think I need a minute to calm down.”
“I care about this too much to keep going while I’m this upset. Can we take a moment?”
“Can we take a pause? I’m starting to feel heated.”
But make sure to actually circle back. Avoiding conflict isn’t the same as taking space, and communication doesn’t work if you skip out on the hard parts. (Here are 12 tips to find relief if you’re feeling overwhelmed inside during a conversation.)
6. Watch your tone and your timing
Try not to give heavy feedback when someone’s already on the edge, as you most likely won’t get the best response. In a moment like this, ask yourself:
Are they tired, distracted, or stressed?
Am I tired, distracted, or stressed?
Is this the best time to have this conversation?
Can this wait until my or their emotions have settled?
When you do bring something up, aim to lead with care:
Say: “Hey, there’s something I’ve been holding onto. Can we talk about it soon?”
Not: “Wow. So we’re just pretending that all of it didn’t happen, huh?”
7. Stop texting through emotional landmines
Your tone and facial expressions can sometimes be half the message. To make sure nothing gets lost in translation, try to avoid texting during emotionally delicate situations.
If the conversation needs a little nuance, try to choose your medium accordingly:
If big emotions are involved, use your voice and not text.
If there’s confusion or conflict, make an effort to talk face-to-face.
If you’re not sure, start with: “Can we talk about something in person or on the phone?”
8. Own your part without spiraling into shame
If someone tells you that they’re hurt or disappointed, try to be accountable and not self-flagellate. This can stop the conversation in its tracks. None of us are perfect, and it’s okay to make mistakes. To own your part, consider saying:
Say: “You’re right. I didn’t realize how that came across. I’m sorry.”
Not: “Wow, I guess I’m just a terrible person.”
If you made a mistake, here are five ways to boost self-compassion and forgive yourself.
9. Notice when you’re defending instead of connecting
We all want to feel seen and safe, but when that safety feels threatened, many of us can go into defense mode and explain, justify, and deny.
Say: “I can see how that landed. That wasn’t my intention, but it does matter to me that it hurt you.”
Not: “That’s not what I meant!”
You can still explain your side, but make sure to do it after you’ve acknowledged theirs.
10. Build in regular check-ins
Create mini check-in rituals once a week or once a month. Whatever works for you so that you’re still on the same page and not only checking in once the other person is mid-meltdown.
You could schedule a five-minute chat in the car every Saturday morning and say:
“How are we doing lately?”
“Anything I’ve been missing or getting wrong?”
“What can I do better?”
11. Repair is everything
Healthy communication is about being committed to growth, to each other, and to coming back after a rupture. You’re going to have conflict from time to time. Your goal shouldn't be to aim for zero misunderstandings — it should be aiming for good cleanups when the mess inevitably happens.
Here are some good actions to practice:
Apologize without excuses
Follow up after a tough talk
Making space for feedback — even when it stings a little
💙 Consider listening to How To Apologize if you feel like you could use a little help in that department.
How to communicate better FAQs
Can communication skills really be improved?
Your communication can absolutely be improved. Communication is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned and practiced. No one’s born knowing how to perfectly navigate a hard conversation. Most of us were just taught survival communication, like keeping the peace and speaking only when spoken to.
If you struggle with speaking up or staying present during conflict, remind yourself that you can build from there and get better with time.
How can I communicate better if I’m shy or introverted?
Some people think being introverted means you’re bad at communication, but it actually usually just means that you think deeply before you speak, which can be a huge strength.
If you’re introverted, give yourself permission to take up space in a way that feels natural to you. One way you could do this is to express yourself in writing first. This could help you gather your thoughts. You could also say, “I’ve been thinking about something, and I might need a minute or two to find the right words.” You don’t have to change who you are to communicate better — just try to honor it and work with it.
Why do I struggle to communicate with others?
Struggling to communicate with others most likely means you’ve had to navigate environments where communication wasn’t safe or modeled in a healthy way.
You could’ve been raised in a home where emotions were avoided, or you might’ve been in a workplace that thrived on passive-aggressive email chains. Whatever the reason, this could make expressing yourself feel a little confusing, risky, or even draining.
If you’re currently struggling to communicate, try to remind yourself that this isn’t a permanent state. This is just your nervous system telling you that it feels a little unfamiliar at the moment. With practice and maybe some healing, it’s possible for your communication to get easier.
What are the 5 C's of communication?
Usually, the 5 C’s stand for Clear, Concise, Concrete, Correct, and Courteous. These C’s can be useful, but real-life connections typically need more than textbook efficiency.
You could say all the right things, but if you’re not emotionally present, you could still miss the mark. Another C to add to this list to help you be a good communicator is Curiosity because it invites depth and actual understanding, not just soundbites.
How do you fix a lack of communication in a relationship?
To help improve communication in a relationship, the first step you should take is to name it — gently and without blame. You could say something like, “Hey, I feel like we haven’t been connecting lately. I miss talking with you.” This can go a long way.
After you’ve named it, try to carve out time and space to reengage without distractions or pressure to “solve” everything at once. Sometimes, the lack isn’t about love or effort, it’s about schedule overload, stress, or just emotional fatigue.
Trying to fix your communication usually means choosing to reconnect a little at a time and building back trust through consistent and low-stakes check-ins. You can think of it like tending to a garden and nurturing your communication with slow, steady, and intentional care.
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