Is your teen too anxious to go to school? Here’s how to help
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, CDCES, MBA
Does your teen have school anxiety? Explore common signs and get tips to help them feel less anxious and actually look forward to school.
As an adult, it’s easy to forget how anxiety-inducing life is for teenagers. Not only are they dealing with intense social and academic pressure (there’s a reason some of us still have nightmares about the SATs), but some of them are also juggling part-time jobs and extracurricular activities.
That’s a lot for anybody to handle — and understandably, for some teens, school is a major trigger of anxiety. If your teenager’s feeling too anxious to go to school, you’re not alone — and they don’t need to be, either.
Fortunately, there are lots of ways you can help them feel more calm, confident, and ready to learn.
What causes school anxiety in teens?
Don’t be so quick to dismiss the teenage anxiety — kids, especially now, are coping with a lot. Your teen might be anxious for a number of reasons, but a few common causes include:
Academic pressure: Worries about grades, exams, and keeping up with schoolwork, or a fear of not meeting expectations
Social challenges: Fear of judgment or rejection, arguments with friends, peer pressure, and bullying
Performance anxiety: Fears of being embarrassed or making mistakes in front of the class, when giving presentations, or during group activities
Separation anxiety: Worries about being away from you, especially if they’re transitioning to a new school or dealing with stress at home
Mental health conditions: Conditions like generalized anxiety disorder, depression, or social anxiety
What are the signs of teen school anxiety?
And just as the causes of school anxiety can differ, so can the signs. While some kids might lash out, others might become withdrawn. Recognizing the signs of school anxiety in your teenager early can help you provide the right support. Here are a few things to look for:
Physical symptoms: Complaints of headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or fatigue
Avoidance behaviors: Frequently coming up with excuses to skip school, refusing to do homework, or avoiding school-related conversations
Mood changes: Irritability, sadness, anger, or extreme sensitivity about school topics
Withdrawal: Suddenly stopping activities they used to enjoy, or withdrawing from friends
Sleep problems: Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up feeling exhausted
How to help a teen with school anxiety: 10 tips for your anxious teen to feel more comfortable at school
If your teenager is too anxious to go to school, you’re likely feeling a mix of emotions yourself — worried for them, frustrated by the situation, and unsure what to do next.
The good news is that with patience and the right strategies, you can help your teen manage their school anxiety and head back to class feeling more comfortable.
1. Open up the conversation gently
Create a safe space for your teen to share their thoughts and feelings. Choose a time when they seem relaxed, maybe during a car ride or when you’re doing something together, so it doesn’t feel like a serious "sit-down talk."
Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling about school these days?” or “Is anything making you nervous?” Listen more than you talk, and avoid jumping in with solutions right away. Sometimes, they might just need to vent in order to feel a little better. For more advice, check out these eight tips for meaningful interactions.
💙 Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others series has meditations on boundaries, holding space, and listening to help you get through to your teen.
2. Validate their feelings—don’t brush them off
It’s easy to want to say things like “Everyone gets nervous about school!” or “You’ll be fine!” but these kinds of responses might come across as dismissive.
Instead, let your teen know that what they’re experiencing is real and important. Say, “I can see how hard this is for you,” or “It makes sense that you’d feel anxious about that,” to show you’re on their side. This can help encourage more honest conversations about their feelings in the future.
💙 Make sure that you’re really focused on what your teen has to say. How to Really Listen, a class by Kate Murphy, the author of “You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters,” can help you communicate better.
3. Work together to create a plan
If your teen shares what’s bothering them, help them come up with ways to feel better. For example, if they’re feeling stressed by homework, sit together and make a schedule that portions assignments into smaller tasks. These six resilience tips can help them when they’re feeling overwhelmed too.
If social anxiety is a concern, develop strategies like finding a quiet spot at lunch or sitting with a friend they trust. (Here are eight more ideas.) Making a plan together shows they’re not alone, and that there are practical ways to deal with their anxiety.
💙 The Confidence Series is a set of meditations designed to help people prepare for key moments, including social engagements.
4. Teach and encourage coping strategies
You may not be able to erase their anxiety, but you can give them methods to cope with it. Guide them in breathing exercises, which can help calm their nervous system when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Breathe with them slowly for four seconds, hold for four, and then exhale for four. Journaling may also prove to be a useful outlet.
💙 Mindfulness for Teens, a series from Tamara Levitt, can help your teenager learn tools to cope with their anxiety.
5. Connect with school staff for support
If your teen is open to it, consider setting up a meeting with a school counselor or a trusted teacher to discuss what’s going on. This can reassure your teen that everyone is working together to make school feel like a safer place to be. Staff may also be able to offer extra support or special accommodations if necessary.
6. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help
If your teen’s anxiety is getting in the way of daily life or the strategies you’ve tried haven’t helped, a therapist can work with them to develop coping mechanisms. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective for anxiety.
If your teen is hesitant about therapy, frame it as just another tool to help them feel better — like talking to a coach who can teach them new skills for handling tough situations.
7. Normalize asking for help
Remind them that everyone needs support sometimes — whether that’s talking to a friend, confiding in a teacher, or getting professional help.
Teach your teen they don’t have to face anxiety alone, and that asking for help is a sign of strength. This can mean they’re more likely to reach out when they need it.
💙 Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist, created the Overcome Stress and Anxiety series with 11 tools to help your teen overcome anxiety and build confidence.
8. Help your teen build a morning routine
Mornings can be tough, especially when anxiety is high. Work with your teen to create a simple routine that starts the day off in a calm way.
This might include waking up 10 minutes early to avoid rushing, having a healthy breakfast, taking a few deep breaths, and spending a few minutes doing something they enjoy, like listening to music.
💙 Mel Mah’s Jumpstart Your Day is a great way to start your day mindfully — and positively.
9. Praise effort, not just results
Anxiety often makes teens focus on the fear of failure. Praise their effort—whether it’s trying to go to school, working through a tough day, or asking for help—to show it’s not about being perfect, but doing their best, even when things are difficult. If your teen is a perfectionist, here are six tips to help them cope.
💙 In Tamara Levitt’s 7 Days of Self-Esteem series, you’ll find a meditation on Letting Go of Perfectionism that can help if your teen is struggling with perfectionism.
10. Stay patient and supportive
Recovery from school anxiety takes time, and there may be challenges along the way. If your teen has a tough day or refuses to go to school, stay calm and supportive. Let them know it’s okay to have setbacks, and that each day is a new chance to try again. Here are eight more tips to help you build confidence in your kids.
💙 Jay Shetty explores how setbacks can be an opportunity to grow in his Learning from Setbacks meditation.
Teenager too anxious to go to school FAQs
What are the symptoms of teen anxiety?
Teen anxiety can show up in lots of different ways, and it’s not always easy to spot.
Common physical symptoms can include headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or feeling tired all the time.
Your teen might also seem more irritable, sad, or withdrawn than usual. They may start avoiding activities they used to enjoy, like hanging out with friends or participating in school clubs. You might notice changes in their sleep patterns too. For a more complete list, check out these 12 signs.
Is it okay to stay home from school because of anxiety?
Sometimes, anxiety can feel so overwhelming that staying home seems like the only option. While it’s okay for your teen to take the occasional mental health day to recharge, staying home too often can make anxiety worse in the long run.
Avoiding school completely might reinforce their fears and make it harder for them to face their anxiety later. Instead, work together to find strategies that allow your teen to manage their anxiety while still attending school, even if they need to take things one small step at a time.
What are the long-term effects of untreated school anxiety in teenagers?
If your teen’s school anxiety is left untreated, it can have some serious long-term consequences.
Academically, they might start falling behind on assignments or miss out on important lessons, which can make school feel even more overwhelming.
Socially, they may become more isolated, missing out on friendships or opportunities to develop important social skills.
Untreated anxiety can also lead to more severe mental health issues, like depression or panic disorders, and persistent anxiety might make it harder for your teen to handle adult responsibilities, like getting through college or managing a job.
Address anxiety early on and help your teen develop healthy coping mechanisms.
How can I encourage my teen to talk about their school anxiety?
Encouraging your teen to open up about their school anxiety can be tough, especially if they’re private.
Try doing something side-by-side, like going for a walk or cooking together, while you chat. This can make it easier for them to talk than sitting down for a serious conversation.
Let them know that it’s okay to feel anxious, and that you’re there to listen without jumping in to solve the problem right away. Tell them their feelings are important and that you want to understand what they’re going through. Show empathy to help your teen feel more comfortable opening up to you. This can help create a safe, non-judgmental space where they feel comfortable sharing what’s on their mind.
If your teen still refuses to open up, don’t push them to talk right away. Let them know you'll be there whenever they’re ready, and give them space to process their feelings. You might also try bringing up the topic another time or offering other ways for them to express themselves, like writing down their thoughts or texting you instead. Be patient and consistent in showing your support, so they know you're there whenever they feel ready to share.
What should I do if my teen refuses to go to school due to anxiety?
If your teen refuses to go to school because of anxiety, approach the situation calmly and without judgment.
Sit with them and ask what’s making school feel so overwhelming. Listen carefully to their concerns, and avoid dismissing their feelings or pressuring them to go back immediately. Once you understand what’s going on, work together to come up with a plan.
This might involve breaking down their anxiety into manageable pieces and finding ways to support them at school. You might talk to teachers about adjustments or create a step-by-step plan to help them gradually return.
If the anxiety seems severe, reach out to a mental health professional for guidance. With support, most teens can find ways to manage their anxiety and get back to school.
How can schools create a more supportive environment for anxious students?
Schools can play a key role in helping anxious students feel more comfortable and supported.
Staff can start by creating an environment where students feel comfortable discussing their mental health and asking for help when they need it. They can also offer peer support programs, where students can connect with others who understand what they’re going through.
In addition, teachers who notice a student struggling can check in with them privately, and offer extra encouragement or special accommodations. Flexible deadlines (when appropriate) or quiet study spaces can make a big difference to a teen struggling with anxiety.
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